Monthly Archives: April 2013

Z is for ZZ Top.

Every day in April I will be participating in the A to Z Blog Challenge. Each day I will write a post dealing with an issue that is near and dear to me that starts with the letter of the Alphabet the corresponds with the day of the month. Neat right? Today is April 26th so the letter of the day is Z.

Z is for ZZ Top, naturally.

BFG. Billy Fucking Gibbons. I’m pretty sure that’s the name on his birth certificate. I pretty much jumped out of my underpants when presented with the opportunity to present a show with him. My buddies Jon Weiss who runs CAVESTOMP, and Chris Such from the Headless Horsemen somehow cajoled Billy into reforming his pre ZZ Top band, the Moving Sidewalks and we teamed up to put the show on at BB King’s.

When the day arrived, I was trying to figure out what I could say to Senor Gibbons to actually start a conversation, rather than an awkward handshake after the obligatory “This is the guy that promised you enough money to come to NYC for this show” introduction. And I struck gold!

After a little back and forth Billy said “Man this place must have a lot of cool shows!” and I said “Billy, you’re a big fan of Nickelback, right?” And he said “Oh, yeah I love them guys!”

How did I know that, you ask? Well it’s because I too am a big fan of Nickelback (#NoHomo) Ya know that song of theirs “Rock Star” The acoustic one about wanting to be a big rock stars, and live in hilltop houses driving fifteen cars? Yes you do. Stop hatin’. Well Billy sings a few lines in that song, so naturally that was our bonding point.

I told him “Next month we’ve got a Motown Tribute to Nickelback playing here.”

He took the bait and said quizzically “a Motown Tribute to Niceklback? Man how on earth does THAT work?”

Come on over her and let me show yo,” I said as I opened up my laptop and fired up this video:

He watched the whole damn thing and at the end said “Oh, man. I like that. so much groove. And that singer’s got ENERGY!”

And that my friends is how you pal around with a bona fide rock god. Ill fill you in on our further adventures after the 4th of July, when I’ll be spending the weekend at his spread on Lake Dallas…

Sayanora suckers!

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Y is for Yes (or YOLO… or #WTWTCH)

Every day in April I will be participating in the A to Z Blog Challenge. Each day I will write a post dealing with an issue that is near and dear to me that starts with the letter of the Alphabet the corresponds with the day of the month. Neat right? Today is April 25th so the letter of the day is Y.

Y is for Yes. As in the answer to every question.

Y was gonna be for YOLO. You Only Live Once. But that shit got played out quicker than Drake making a cameo on a Yo-Yo song. Why? I really don’t know. It’s a pretty good motto. Whenever I think about doing something a little bit dicey – my mind automatically goes to “What’s The Worst That Could Happen?” aka WTWTCH! You wanna go to Europe but you’re not sure if you can afford it…? WTWTCH? Maybe you come home in debt and have to cancel the cable bill for a few months… #NoBiggie. You wanna ask that girl on a date…? WTWTCH? She’s gonna say no and think you’re a creep. Guess what – you probably ARE a creep – so no harm no foul. #FuckIt. But what if she says YES?!?! Oh man, Pussy Parade down YourDick Boulevard!!!! #Winning! Wanna go to the Gathering of the Juggalos…? WTWTCH? Maybe you’ll get the shit kicked out of you. But you’ll get some great pics and have an a amazing story to tell forever.

In all seriousness, I hear too many people saying NO when the answer should be (Fuck) YES! People ask me “Man – where do you get your energy?” I know where I DON’T get it. I don’t get it from sitting on the couch trying to gather it. I get it by getting out, doing things, and seeing shit you can’t unsee. That kinda shit inspires me to see what else is out there. Every single thing that ends up on that TV screen was a product of somebody else’s imagination who is more often than not more adventurous and more inspired than the person watching it.

Next time someone asks you if you wanna do something, especially if it is something outside of your comfort zone, say YES! Say FUCK YES, homie!! Go for it! Just Do It!

I mean, WHATS THE WORST THAT COULD HAPPEN??

X is for X-Rated.

Every day in April I will be participating in the A to Z Blog Challenge. Each day I will write a post dealing with an issue that is near and dear to me that starts with the letter of the Alphabet the corresponds with the day of the month. Neat right? Today is April 24th so the letter of the day is X.

X is for X-Rated.

Remember when X was actually a rating for a movie. Not XXX, just X. Theaters refused to show X rated movies, so what did the MPAA do? They created the NC17 rating to trick movie theaters into showing films that had too many Fucks or Tits or Dicks for a R rating. So why wouldn’t theaters just show an X movie? NC17 sounds like the name of some sort of program that Obama OK’d to send drones after schoolchildren (not considered a casualty if they are under 17) What’s up with the Pussification of America. Who’s scared of the big bad X? Must be Malcolm’s fault. Let’s bring back the danger. By Any Means Necessary.

W is for White People. Fuckin’ White People.

Every day in April I will be participating in the A to Z Blog Challenge. Each day I will write a post dealing with an issue that is near and dear to me that starts with the letter of the Alphabet the corresponds with the day of the month. Neat right? Today is April 23rd so the letter of the day is W.

W is for White People. Fuckin’ White People.

Sugar Shane and I were in the office one day and decided we needed to get our hair cornrowed. As you do. We called out to our floating office m,ate Mamadou – “Yo Mamadizzle, you know anyone who can be here by 6pm to give me and Sugar some cornrows?!?!” Of course he did. He’s African. They invented that shit! He called a cousin and she showed up a few hours later, ready to rumble.

This is what happened:

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Our friend Kodi came ny too, but The Corn-Rower had gotten tired so Kodi got off easy – lucky girl!

KooKoo for Kodi Puffs

KooKoo for Kodi Puffs

EXCITED AS FUCK – we decided to celebrate by going out to the bars on Avenue A. After a few stops, we ended up in a traffic jam on the sidewalk, it was a gaggle of six white gals who had stopped to put both arms in the air and simultaneoulsy scream “Woooooooo!” Sugar Shane took one look at me, shook his head and said “Fuckin’ White People.” The irony was not lost on me and I said “That would make an amazing T-Shirt!”

A few days later we had a box of them in our office. I’ve worn them out in all sorts of situations. It’s funny that the dirty looks I get are from the Fuckin’ White People the shirt is referring to and all the blacks and spanish people I run into give me a thumbs up or a smile. Shit I’ve had numerous black people stop me and ask if they could get a picture, Sometimes the even wanna be in the picture!

You can BUY YOUR OWN by clicking here.

Keepin It Classy

Keepin It Classy

Here’s a pics of a couple of my favorite white people wearing the shirt:

Mariachi Matt Caughtran of the Muthafucken Bronx y Mariachi El Bronx

Mariachi Matt Caughtran of the Muthafucken Bronx y Mariachi El Bronx

2Dru aka WoopX2

2Dru aka WoopX2

V is for Vertigo

Every day in April I will be participating in the A to Z Blog Challenge. Each day I will write a post dealing with an issue that is near and dear to me that starts with the letter of the Alphabet the corresponds with the day of the month. Neat right? Today is April 22nd so the letter of the day is V.

V is for Vertigo.

If you’ve been wondering where I’ve been the past few days – the answer is having a Vertigo attack. If you’ve had one you know how fun they are. If you haven’t imagine a sever case of the spins that can last for hours… or days. I had my first one in January after a particularly strenuous workout. I sat down to have a drink of water and all of a sudden the whole gym was spinning. I grabbed a table to steady myself but it was no use. I started violently throwing up whatever water I had in my system and then the dry heaves persisted. I barely managed to gather my shit from my locker and staggered outside and hailed a cab. I dry heaved out the window a few times on the half mile ride home. The movement of the cab ended up being too much to handle so I got out a couple blocks from home and hugged the sides of buildings til I found my apartment. I got home and made it into bed and when I was finally still for a few minutes the spins went away. About 6 hours later I was OK.

Tuesday morning after an accupuncture session it happened again – this time it started light and I got the spins for about 10 seconds… Didn’t think much of it and went outside and got some coconut water and got on my motorcycle to ride home. The ride was a breeze, no doubt aided by the cool breeze in my face. I got the bike home and parked without and issue and made it up to my apartment and into bed just as the 2nd attack of the spins came. Followed by the vomiting. This time it didn’t go away for over 36 hours. Still feeling it, but haven’t had the spins since 4am. Looking forward to seeing a doctor today.

After my first attack, I thought it might be vertigo. But I refused to go to a Doctor for a diagnosis. Because I knew that if it was I would be told to stop riding my motorcycle. But as long as I wasn’t diagnosed, then if an attack sprung up while I was riding, then it would just seem like a terrible accident. Even now, I’m hoping the doctor can cure me, or at least alert me to the warning signs. Because I won’t stop riding. Ride to Live – Live to Ride. Indeed.

U is for Uniporn

Every day in April I will be participating in the A to Z Blog Challenge. Each day I will write a post dealing with an issue that is near and dear to me that starts with the letter of the Alphabet the corresponds with the day of the month. Neat right? Today is April 21st so the letter of the day is U.

U is for Uniporn.  The story of the Dolphin and the Unicorn.

One day I was sitting in my office and I thought to myself “You know what would be cool, a picture of a unicorn humping a dolphin.  So I sent off an email to my Rocks Off designer extraordinaire, Glenn Hidalgo, that said “Glenn, I need a picture of a unicorn humping a dolphin in front of a rainbow, and it has to look all care bears style.”  A couple of weeks later the line art came.  A week after that this fully realized beauty:

unicornlogo

I was stunned.  It was perfect.  But of course I had no use for it.  I just printed it up and hung it on my refrigerator and home.  Every day it would make me smile.  It wasn’t til about 8 months later that it dawned one me – WHAT A GREAT IDEA FOR A TATTOO!  So I went and got it done, naturally.

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A week later my friend Phil emailed me and said “Hey I just started a new band called Children of the Unicorn .  Let me know if you have any gigs for us.”  I emailed the pic of the tattoo back to him and that ended up being the band’s album cover, and Phil asked me to join the band.  So I did.  He already had the band together – so I just played cowbell and tambourine, and generally added a heavy dose of awesomeness to our shows.

 

The tattoo was getting great reactions.  So naturally I had to turn the image into a t-shirt.  So we did.  On pink shirts for boys, and on blue shirts for the girls. It quickly became our best selling shirt.  YOU SHOULD TOTALLY BUY ONE BY CLICKING HERE.

 

And then came the song.  My buddy David Blend hit me up and said “If I write a song about why  Unicorn would want to hump a Dolphin, could you find someone to record it?”  I aid sure, but asked  what made him think of it.  And he revealed his bigger plan for it to be an ad for a tattoo shop I own in Tucson, Arizona.  The Magic Fun Store.  Corn Mo recorded the song.  B.A. Miale made the video.  And the rest is viral marketing history.

 

Oh, and then there’s this asshole.  No, I don’t know him.

Duuuuuude.

Duuuuuude.