I watched a bunch of the royal Rumble last night. Well at least I watched the women’s Rumble, the Daniel Bryan vs AJ Styles match, Brock Lesnar vs Finn Balor and then the men’s Rumble.  I think he entire show, including the pre-show, was over 5 hours long. Why would they do that? By the time the main event was over the crowd was totally spent and listless. Most of these people have to work in the morning. And WWE didn’t even give them a spectacular finale for the night. I don’t wanna sound like a broken record, but why in the hell does the WWE keep mucking things up, seemingly on purpose. Sometimes being a wrestling fan is so tedious. You can’t even blame the unpredictability of “sport” because these events are scripted.

Anyways the best match that I saw was the WOMEN’S RUMBLE, and here’s my take on it!

Damn. This was only the 2nd women’s Royal Rumble and already its about 43.7 times better than the men’s rumble. I wonder if this is because Vince isn’t concerned with the booking of the women’s rumbles so he stays out of it and lets them actually make sense. Like what happens with NXT. But that can’t totally be the case, because there were some weird parts. Like why did Lacey Eans come out and just start whining about being a southern belle who as super important or whatever? That didn;didn’t make any sense, and just made me wonder if it tuning in for the women’s Rumble was a mistake. Thankfully, it wasn’t.Why why did they pre-announce who the 30th entrant to each Rumble was gonna be? That didn’t make any sense. One of the main points of the Rumble is never knowing who will be coming out when, and each entrant being a surprise.

But once they got into the gist of the match, the in ring action was fantastic. I didn’t recognize about two thirds of the women, but Im a fan of lotus of them now. Especially Kacy Katanzaro. Apparently she won the American ninja Warrior competition, that thing the Rock just ripped off for his new show. And now she’s like the Kofi Kingston of the women’s division. She did these crazy moves where she walked on her hands and then climbed the ring post like a monkey climbing a coconut tree to keep from getting. Eliminated and now I wanna see every match she ever wrestles in. There was another woman named Kairi Sane, and she was dressed as a pirate from the 15th century. I don’t remember anything she actually did int he ring, but she sprinted TO the ring int hat crazy pirate put it while looking though one of those single sense binocular spyglass contraptions. Im not sure how she even made it considering that entrance ramp was CURVED, due to the even t being in a baseball stadium, I guess, but she didn’t wipe out, which made me all that much more impressed.

The ending was cool too. Lana came out but had her ankle all taped because apparently her Romanian on again off again boyfriend beats her, or knocks her off the ring apron, or whatever who cares but her ankle was tapped and she was walking super slowly to the ring. So then Nia Jax came out and kicked her in the ankle a few times making her fall down and walk even more slowly. So then after a while Becky Lynch, who his like the hottest thing in the WWE right now, and wasn’t booked on the Rumble, came out and took her spot.  Which was weird, because she just argued with former wrestler / current road agent Fit Finlay and he kept telling her that she wasn’t a;;owed to do that. But then the crowd got all excited so her just said “OK and motioned towards the ring” That was super weird. Because he’s not in charge. The WWE makes a super big deal about who the GM of each show is, so you would think that they would have to be the one to OK a surprise entrant into the match, but, naw. It’s just a. Free for all. Why have a GM if there are NO RULES?!?! Continuity is too much to ask for in pro-wrestling, right?  It wasn’t back ion the days of the attitude era. The last time wrestling was a part of the national pop culture conversation . But then they went off track and started trying to be kid-friendly so Linda McMahon could run for office and they could sell more ads to fruit roll up companies or some shit abs since then everything’s been weird and fucked. But Is till pay attention, because if you’re like me, loving wrestling isn’t a choice it s a COMPUSLION.  But thankfully I get my fill of live events in crappy bingo halls and seedy nightclubs, but I still read about wrestling on the internet every single day, and I tune in for big events, almost always to be let down. But I keep going back. Like an abused spouse with no self esteem. But whatever, NO REGERTS.

So Becky ends up getting into the match and then her and Nia Jax and Charlotte Flair are the last three remaining contestants. But after they both combined to eliminate Nia, Nia fucked up Becky’s leg, because Nia is a monster and a sore loser that just wants to hurt people,people, and of course how could Becky beat the amazing and awesome Charlotte Flair with a bum knee, but then of course she did and she ended up winning and now Becky is going to get to face Ronda Rousey at Wrestlemania and everyone is saying that they are gonna let the women’s championship match be the main event, but I don’t believe that for a second because Vince is a total misogynist and chauvinist and I cannot believe he hasn’t been ME TOO’d yet, but maybe he’s about to be and he knows it so he’s gonna let women main event Wrestlemania so he can use that as part of his defense when the whip comes down.

Or maybe, just maybe, he know that women are usually better than men at doing everything except being total dipshits.

Tonight Im gonna watch the other two big women’s matches from the show. Becky Lynch vs Asuka, and Ronda Rousey vs Sasha Banks, which everybody is saying were by far the best thew matches on the card. Viva Los Ladies!